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Thursday
Jan252007

divest, then invest -

You should know that every thing you gave:

a note, a card, a book a film, a jar of honey, a card

with the slant of your pen and which bears my name

I have never discarded one. Each is bound, a photo

tucked now between the worn pages of Tennyson,

save for the honey-jar, now empty, I filled it with green-marbles.

No, you never said any of it ever had meaning.

It was all me: full of faith – your believer.

Me, misguided, I showed you a shy self

trusting what you said – this the ontological leap.

I jumped – un petit-saut. But a great leap.

All you see is Jezebel and threat. Funny that.

When all I wanted was this…

We already had our secrets.

Unspoken, never told. I believed. You believed.

I had faith in you, and thought you in me…

What a gas…

So this explains my token gifts, you should know:

The small bound book, the hand-wrought char,

wrapped and hand-tied in my hair-ribbon, a small piece of me –

I offered myself up and you took it.

And after, after, a day perhaps later,

you told me this meant nothing when just a few months prior

we had agreed, you had said, Yes, we were more

that just ‘ordinary friends.’ And god, such relief this.

Now, you have taken away the sweetness.

You occupy the Now – I don’t know how.

For all I thought I knew, I find myself speechless.

For 8 words defined, for letters read & saved.

You wrote “I thought I knew…

did I understand about the ….

I thought I did… but then I…. did i?”

I say the same to you now.

You see what you want: a red-lipped Jezebel.

I am no longer your shy, gamine girl

Just a frightened, backward lover

who still will coyly yield to your submission.

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Reader Comments (2)

how far into knowing
do your words penetrate
do your words know
how far into this seeing have you gone
how is it you know
this touch
this memory
all here and gone spoken
you move on. i move into
lost.
how far have you gone into this knowing
that you can return
this touch of you
these pieces of this
that fall apart
in memory
within my being
lost.
and always there
aching and always gone.
in memory
a once smile muse
now an empty chair.
how far away so close
this knowing you know.
i laugh, i smile because
i know you've always known
this winter has always been this cold

a dance in snow

r.
March 11, 2007 | Unregistered Commenterr.
a beautiful comment/poem in response that understands what I was getting at. I really appreciate this... thank you...
December 4, 2007 | Registered Commentersadi ranson-polizzotti

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