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january 5th | winter sorrow

Look at me. Flat and white,

blank as the snow that falls

steadily, a gauze to bloodied

land. I am hurt. Can no-one

see the way my wound pulses

red?  A bright crimson heart

of despair. The clots hemorrhage

curdled blood. It has turned,

can no one can smell it?


No one sees, nor cares

for this bled-white pupil,

pill-hooked, safely tucked,

tight beneath the sheets, I live

in an envelope of white, my little

head popping out, a wax seal,

My expression cold and final.


In the first light of day, dawn grey

I sense your approach, the quick

kiss on forehead. So paternal

and dry, you kiss me off. Love,

I see it. I know where you go,

where you creep, velvet-footed,

silent, so quiet.


You cannot wait -- the great escape

Run fast from sick-bed, marital

trust and void all prior commitments.

Now you'll snap the vows like wishbones,

so brittle and dry, you break each promise.

Why? unbearable lightness. This changes

everything. My dark existence.


With those red-lipped, blonded sirens

you are light as helium. Their charms,

their accents, little hooks on which

you catch, simple flirtation -- to play

lightly, brightly, a short-term promise

of fun fun fun! Why, we had not even

begun and already you had started

with that Medusa. Each of you snared

on other's hook-like smile.


You wriggle brightly, a silver fish,

you flash flares of light. You let me slip.

Forget first kiss, our words, silent,

spoken promises. They are not here.

Instead, you rise, stiff and blank with

newness. Here, now, there are no

stones to weigh you down. No marital

drone. Instead a flat and open canvas.

It waits for touch of brush.

The sweet landscape that she paints,

a brand new horizon, subtle, it undulates.

You shed past baggage, see

your new life, clear on her horizon.

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