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dateline - december 24, 2004

68 degrees and raining in Northern Florida.

It's Christmas Eve day and a jogger

Was hit by an elderly woman who was

Sure she had ran over a pelican.

Midwest battered by heavy snow.

Woman says Scott Peterson tried

To seduce her the day his wife's

Body was found. Bill Cosby, who

Tragically lost a son some years back,

Has come out of hiding and produced

A new movie. Katie Couric, all smiles

Now, but yesterday I read in the Enquirer

That she broke up with some jazz

Musician who used her to boost

His publicity ratings. The Russians

In space have eaten all their food

So the Soviets have sent up an

Un-manned robot to deliver food

And Christmas goodies -- a real

Mechanical Santa. Barbara

Streisand has cancer and Julia Roberts

Has fired two nannies already,

And, of course, someone,

Somewhere was abducted

by an alien. I'm having tea

while my husband drinks his

coffee, reads an article in French.

That's all the news that's fit to print.

That's all we have today.

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