for m.e. and for t.b., with love

I saw you there, like that

in the early Spring light as

the sun made it’s route, slightly

different from yesterday’s, an nth

of a degree angle’s difference and slipped

behind that Greek bank I like so much

because of the way it catches the light

just so and even on the coldest day

the bricks seem sunwarmed and umbra,

a russet glow of promise. Soon Summer

will be here and we will either be

or not be. On  this day, I cannot say,

but that for all of the “I love yous” I remain

unconvinced, a real agnostic, or atheist

because at one time I was such a believer

that my heart turned inside out and it

ached and it ached when he said

he was leaving. When he said “I’m

going back to her.” The one he’s known

and who was safe because fuck passion,

fuck love, fuck promises, fuck that

incredible first kiss and the way

in which we make love like two

dancers and the way we love,

and we hate, this utter contradiction,

You would still leave me

for some safety because

you fear, you want, you lust

you hate, you love, you just don’t know

yet you expect me to know

and guess what, I do, because

I’ve been around this block

and I can tell you that tomorrow

all will be unchanged and the world

will miraculously exist and continue

as it has but that six months from now,

you will wake to a changed world

and wonder how it happened.

It is because like the sun

you are changeable. You move

incrementally, such small degrees,

so barely perceptible, so that one

day it is light until 9 pm

and Summer is full on and

you sit on the sandy sea-wall

and take in those gentle

mauves, pinks, and blues,

the end of day grace that

mark the moment that will

live on in your mind. That

if you let this moment pass

without taking what you need,

what you want, what you desire,

what you lust, for what you long,

what you ache, what you yearn,

and more that you’ll be sorry.

So take it as it is: the patterned

sky, the umbra brick, the angled

sun, the flower stall on Madison,

the feel of your heel as it hits

the New York pavement as your

hips, tits sway back and forth

in this fading, falling light

know you are The One and let

no-one take this from you.