If you are have ever been the a young girl taken home to meet the mother of your boyfriend for the first time, then Hush is a film that in very many ways, many of you will likely identify with. Hush is not a new film, and is in fact one of the first films in which Gwyneth Paltrow starred when she was younger and just starting out, and though I sense it is likely a film she regrets for it is not a stellar performance, in my view it is a film she should be proud of, for she finally stands up and speaks for the throngs of girlfriends and wives everywhere who have ever suffered at the sarcastic and snippy and controlling hand of a mother-in-law or future mother-in-law. Here, Paltrow stars as the girlfriend of a dashing young man whose mother, played by a truly ravishing Jessica Lange (Martha Baring),  is a self-professed "controlling old lady" who has been left her dead husband's wealth and is alone now on the family estate trying to manage what was once a prize-winning and booming horse business.

Lange's portrayal as a controlling and jealous mother in law is flawless. She manages to capture all the first blush and charm that first meetings between the prodigal son and his girlfriend often have -- all that false affection and niceness, the kisses on the cheek, the "we've heard so much about you", the note of sweetness that strikes us as a bit false because we all know that the mother would slit the girl's throat in an instant, if for nothing else than for seemingly havening stolen the son from his mommy-dearest. For the girlfriend, for Paltrow in this film, the issue here is that the more the son loves you, the more that boyfriend or fiancé or husband who took you home for the first time to meet the folks loved you, the worse off you will fare with the mother, for all too often the mother plays out her archetypal role and the hooks come out.

Lange is brilliant in the role for she is not the least bit frumpy, but more the older equivalent of Paltrow, blonded and busty, she is a real fertile mama, tending house and shoveling horseshit on the family farm of Kilronan, where, alas, papa passed away long ago when prodigal son was a mere child.  How perfectly this paves the way for Lange to play the over-possessive mother with nothing but her family farm (and of course she needs help to manage the place, a guilt trip she plays her hand well), and, pray, with daddy dear dead and gone, who does she have left but her boy?  Our own experiences with mothers may not be as dramatic in matters of fact -- daddy is likely alive and there is no great family estate to manage and I pray for all of us that our mother's in law or future mother's in law are not as psycho as Lange, there is enough fact and reality here to make this film resonate loudly.  Note that daddy dear winds up being dead only because mommy dearest killed him years prior, which we don't find out until the end, because he was on the verge of discovering his wife's affair with a local horse hand. 

Alas, Lange plays her innocence with a vengeance and spite that would make any mother in law sit down and take notes. Daddy has died and gone, she bemoans, her son has left her for some "city girl", the farm is "just too much," and as a woman in her late forties, she carries herself as if she is approaching menarche -- the counter-opposite to Paltrow who is made pregnant by a clever pin-prick to her diaphragm (carelessly left out in plain view in the bathroom where mommy can plan her family.)  Lange orchestrates the Paltrow's pregnancy beautifully as if she were breeding her own horses. With Paltrow pregnant, she knows her honorable son will offer to marry her and he does. Step one is done. Now, to bring the duo back to the farm and out of the city -- Lange arranges for a little mugging; hires a farmhand neighbor to wait for Paltrow to arrive home one night, and when she does, he snatches her beloved locket that holds her only picture of her own deceased parents, and slices at her just-burgeoning pregnant tummy.  Paltrow and her boyfriend decide to do at last what any sensible couple would do; the city is dangerous they find, they are now expecting, mommy needs help, the estate <i>is</i> beautiful, and so far, nobody knows that mommy has orchestrated the whole thing, so they decide at last yes, they will move into Kilronan with mommy.

Bags are packed, goodbyes are said, jobs are left, a wedding is had, and the pregnant couple move out to the country and live in the estate with mommy where they work days fixing up the farm so that they can get it in good selling order to help mommy out and make a few bucks for everyone while they are at it.  Little do they know how much of this has not been their choice, but has been brilliantly manipulated by Lange who still holds her cards close and does not reveal her ultimate motive. 

The viewer, mind you, does not yet know that Lange is responsible for the death of the father that much we do not know. But the rest seems clear -- that mother has influenced, manipulated this entire scenario in order that she get her dear son back.  In the end, it's not about money or the estate, it's about the same thing it is with almost any mother in law and daughter in law, and it is a power struggle for the son's affection. And god help you if the son is oldest or the only, for you will have to prove your mettle at every turn and Paltrow is no exception. 

This pregnant city girl gives up her life for her boyfriend and sees the mothers' "wisdom" of moving out to Kilronan and takes rather happily at first to helping fix up the place, painting fences, cleaning stables, and yes, shoveling horseshit as promised, but things soon go awry.  First, Lange tells her son that pregnant women feel a little "strange" and need their sexual space because things are, well, uncomfortable, she says. This is enough for the oh-so-naïve (frustratingly so) loyal son and now husband to pull back and give his wife the space that he believes she needs.  Paltrow is told the same thing but the flip side; that during a pregnancy men often need to pull back. Lange plays both ends against the middle, putting the couple squarely at odds with each other and though yes, still in love, more than a little bit confused about the other's distance.  It seems inconceivable that mommy would orchestrate this (oh, you naïve people -- haven't we all met enough mother in laws, or in fact, <i>been</i> the mother that we know damn well the lengths we will go to supposedly "protect" and keep our sons?  For as much as I want my son to date and have girlfriends who are lovely, and though I am a stepmother, I can tell you that even liberal I pities the poor girl who is brought home to meet both his birth mother (stricter than I and more smothering) and then me (seemingly liberal and open, but mind you, I confess here that this is a trick to get the girl to confess to all of her naughty deeds so that I might then ice her out for leading my good boy down the wrong path...) Oh yes, even I have been known to stoop, and while I want to like these girls, I now, in these later years of my life when I still feel in my twenties but am frankly, nearing forty, and think of myself as pretty cool, I admit that when my son brought home his first girlfriend, I was shocked to see her react to me and pass the same rolling-eyed looks to him that I had once passed to my husband on meeting <i>his</i> mother for the first time.

What was it that I had done or said that had caused the two to pass a meaningful stare? Was it that I seemed to controlling? Was I being too nice, too friendly? Or had I said something motherly and utterly uncool? I couldn't tell, but what I <i>could</i> tell was that no matter how much I wanted to like this pretty young thing, I found that even though I am simply the <i>step</i>-mother, the sweet young girl perceived me as equal threat to that of his birth mother and gave me the same wary looks.  In fact, I discovered, that for all of these years when I have believed that it is the mother who starts this awkwardness and holds the upper hand that it can also be the reverse; that the girlfriend or daughter in law can, yes, truly turn the son against his own kin and <i>that</i> hit me in a very primal and deep place.

By the end of the evening, I wanted to take my son, grab his mother and his father and all of our extended family and lock ourselves in on our own personal Kilronan and send this divisive girl back to whence she came and not influence our son in a way that perhaps was not what we wanted.

Logically, I told myself that I had once been her. That I have seen Hush and that I am <i>not</i> a husband-killing-son-controlling-aging-but-gorgeous-estate-dwelling-nightmare-of-a-mother-in-law.  I am <i>not</i> those things, yet I was put in this strange role and found myself playing to it. Found that I too was picking up on the subtle cues that the girlfriend gave off; the way she pandered to my husband, the older good-looking and bookish daddy-figure, the way she rolled her eyes even when I was trying to be nice and inviting, the way she set herself at odds with me so that our boy would be somewhat <i>forced</i> to take sides.  It is a game I do not want to play, having always been on the other side of it for most of my life and even still at times, that I always swore I would never be this way myself.

God, I remember the first boyfriend's mother (significant boyfriend, that is) whom I met and who, after I took a shower and came out with dripping hair, asked me if I needed a towel to "catch all the hair dye" in case it "washed out."  Hair dye! What a rude and intrusive comment. And my God, even I had the experience in which I came home one day to her house to find my diaphragm, washed and cleaned and placed squarely on the edge of the guest bathroom sink. It may as well as had a note that said, "I know you're fucking and corrupting my little boy."  I know that I did not leave it there. I know that this was a sign to me. I just thank god that she wasn't psycho and didn't prick a hole in it (that I know of) and get me pregnant and have the whole story play out as it does for poor pregnant Paltrow in Hush.

Hush is not by any stretch a great film that will win any Oscars or ever did, I should say. By now it is outdated and likely hard to find on DVD, so you'll have to find one of those quaint "video" stores that carry those thick and bulky reel-to-reel numbers and an old machine and watch.  But all said, Hush is the kind of quiet film that plays out a reality that is known to almost all of us, no matter where we stand in the situation. Mothers, step-mothers, even lovers of a man with a son of dating age know where Lange is coming from. What's worse, no matter how gorgeous Lange may be, and Christ she is with those beautiful breasts and that wavy blonde hair and delicate features, she still looks old and menopausal compared to the daisy-fresh Paltrow. IN this way, the film manipulates all viewers -- if you are the mother, you can see it to hate Paltrow as she steals your son, mocks you with her youth and her fertility and her tight skin and long hair and lithe body, and if you are in Paltrow's position, you can only hope that you look as damn freaking gorgeous as Lange does when <i>you</i> are that age, because mark my words, one day you will be and you will know what it is to lose a child to a boy or girlfriend.  You will know what it means to grow older and see your rosebud beauty fade, to see your adoring child grow up and adore someone else as much as, or more than, s/he ever adored you -- or in a different way -- and this can't help but spark feelings that are mixed to say the least.

We want our children to grow up and fall in love, and we want them to be with someone who is, to note the words we use "good enough." We never ask if we are good enough for them, we never note that there are parents on the other side thinking the same thing of us, and while thank God, most of us do not go to the extremes that Jessica Lange goes to in Hush, eventually trying to kill Paltrow after she has delivered an heir, we do know the pain of separation, the wist of age, the passing of time, and the foolishness of youth.

Men could learn a lot about women from this film, so watch with your wife or your girlfriend and have her explain if this article doesn't and women, well, no matter where you stand, you'll identify with someone or perhaps both women to a greater or lesser extent, and while the roles are played out en extremis, they are valid and honest nonetheless and its worth a Sunday afternoon watch, especially before you head to the in-laws for Thanksgiving and the holidays.