not everyone's a Napoleon - some just try

It's always disturbing to see someone harassed at work; to hear the snide gossip, the nasty comments, etc, and always it is awful to see a woman, or for that matter a man, sexually harassed by a co-worker or worse a superior. But today I speak of these things, but more, I write again of bullying, as I have in the past (see Meet the New American Bully).

A friend tells me of leaving a job for a place where once, I too worked but had left for reasons that shall remain vague but suffice to say were deeply political and had nothing to do with the quality of my work; they had to do with a person or persons who were deeply and profoundly insecure and had long ago set a precedent of driving out (ridiculously and surely to the detriment f the company as a whole) those women, especially women, who were talented or in any way a threat to the woman who was and for now, who remains as one would say "in charge" (though this is a tenuous power at best, for it is built not on hard work or accomplishment but on insecurity and bullying, which causes others who do not wish to fight this nasty political fight to leave the company or be fired.  I saw this again and again, and watched as one talented and often, beautiful or attractive woman was driven out of her job.

The previous woman in charge was herself a real beauty and a real brain to match, but unlike her unfortunate predecessor, was not threatened by other talent in the world. To the contrary; she welcomed it and saw it only as an asset to her group and so set about building a team of writers and editors who were not only talented and highly educated, but most of them attractive in their own way, bright, and often charismatic.  When this woman left, we all missed her but looked forward to the new boss who we were sure would be equally fair and kind and good -- why else would the company put her in charge, we thought. Surely she had earned it.

What surprise to meet a woman who I can only describe as a sort of false Napoleon. I say false for Napoleon, though we may not like what he did, was a real and true leader. He was not threatened by talent, but welcomed it for it strengthened his army and his troops. More, Napoleon knew how to get his troops to rally and he largely did this by using his epilepsy as a bit of a ploy. Indeed, it was often difficult to manage leading an entire army while dealing with seizures and all of the other symptoms that accompany epilepsy and that I know so well. But it's no surprise: many great men and women had epilepsy and as I've often noted, there is a very strong connection between epilepsy and genius. Consider Alexander the Great, Julius Caesar, Socrates, Pythagoras, Marcus Aurelius, Alfred Nobel, and Isaac Newton and I could go on and on, for the list is long and these are the cases that have been verified. It's an impressive lot and I'm proud to be associated, if only by illness, to this group. No, I'm not about to lead an army, but I do try to lead and I do try to make my mark in the world; I do this through writing, through hard work, through not giving up, through great effort and will and through an absolute insistence that one not sit back and feel self-pity for longer than a few moments at a time for self-pity and insecurity, like that other yucky emotion, guilt, are useless emotions.

Our little Napoleon as I will call her had none of these qualities, save for the fact that she was short and rather stubby and in this way, perhaps resembled Napoleon a bit. A poor cousin, shall we say. Let me tell you what this person did to me, for it's important to know the signs of bullying. First, when she came along I was excited to establish a new relationship like that I had had with my previous supervisor.  Our Napoleon would have none of it. She shut me out cold; refused to respond to emails and when she visited our office, she leaned her tits to the men, but refused to look at me. When I spoke, she put down her pencil, but when a man spoke, she took copious notes and smiled, and flashed those inappropriately jutted out double Ds as if this had anything to do with our job (note that those Ds came with a body that equally sized, which is not relevant to me, but surely relevant to her for it was obvious from the start that she had a deep insecurity about her physical self and so took to flashing what she considered her one asset but only at men).  Sad for me that I am a rather lithe girl, but with breasts that are equally voluptuous, and though I don't think much of this and it <i>should not</i> relate to my job, somehow, I sense right away a jealousy that made me uncomfortable, as if I should be other than I am.

Later, we had conference calls, for our offices were quite a distance apart. On average, I'd guess there were forty perhaps fifty people on such calls and each of us in turn was called to speak. Initially, squat Napoleon would let me speak, but would make fun of me -- my accent, too Celtic perhaps. The snide little comments that would have the folks on the end of the line laughing, for the boss made a joke and that's what you do!  She also asked my project manager if I was "servicing" him satisfactorily, as if I had been perhaps blowing him beneath his desk and this is why he liked me. Surely, she must have thought, it had nothing to do with the quality of my work, my education, my experience.  No. She said this and both he and I were speechless. What could we say? We were shocked and listened in stony and humiliated silence while again, the others laughed. 

I don't need to recount all of the incidents here, but you get the idea. I was told that the work I did do I did not do. The credit for my work was given to some other, perhaps a political little beaver who had seen fit to suck up to our Napoleon and who rang me incessantly for "help" with her report, which I gladly gave, but for which I never got credit. I also heard my accent made fun of, my work, my whole way of being, but imagine what I did not know.

It was only today I found out from another of her, shall we say "victims" that our little Napoleon would also put the phone on "mute" and make fun of me in a vicious way during these meetings. Comments about my cancer, my relationships with co-workers, which according to her were sexualized (for the record, they never were). I was degraded, stripped bare of my hard work, the year I had put in and the position and standing I had in the company was mocked and attributed to such things as blowjobs and the like, none of which I have ever done in such a context or would ever do. Not only was I harassed and degraded every day, but although he did not know it, so was my married PM, who was, Napoleon thought, being "serviced." It had to be the truth, for it certainly could not be that I was simply a good worker.

Like Snow White, the wicked Stepmother cannot stand to have anyone who is better or even equal or who she perceives as a threat anywhere near her.  I did nothing to be a threat; I wanted only to be a good worker. And likewise, our Napoleon's other chosen ones wanted only to do a good job. Like Snow White, they like me were light and good and wanted only what was right and what they had earned. They would scrub the palace steps with bleach if asked, they would denigrate themselves on their hands and knees, and I saw it and I did it, but even this was not enough. Like Snow White, we were banished to the dark woods -- a world outside of the company, left with no choice but to be fired or to resign, for pretty much on a daily basis we were emotionally abused and verbally abused and psychologically raped. Yes, raped. This is how it felt and how it feels. I feel not just for me, for I would have let this go... because in a way, I felt it was not worth filing a formal complaint. Truly, I had been so bullied that I, sadly, did not fight back, but gave up and quit, quite unlike me. At the time, I was also going through treatment for cancer and other things and the fight didn't' seem worth it, and remember too, that I did not know that my cancer, like everything else about me, was a source of her mockery. Had I known then what I know now, I would have bitch slapped her and more, metaphorically, I would hope I could contain myself, but when I heard of other women having experienced the same thing, when I heard the full extent of what had been done behind my back and in front of my peers, I felt a kind of visceral reaction that I cannot quite explain. You get the picture.

So what now? There are others who wish to file a complaint and I believe that is the best way to proceed. I know that there will be many who will deny any of this happened because like me, like these others, they are bullied into submission and wisely, afraid of likewise losing their  jobs. But what of dignity? What about what is right and what is good and what is true? If no one files, if no one does anything, then our Napoleon with nothing but her full fat breasts will continue on her war path to knock out any woman she perceives as a threat -- and sadly, is not emotionally able to perceive as an asset to her group. Talk about someone in deep need of therapy. But that is not my issue; for what she has done is made others suffer so much so that they are in need of emotional help, for they were told that their work was not good, that they were unprofessional (this, coming from a woman who made fun of cancer, who insisted I was "servicing" a PM or any man who liked me for that matter, for surely, a woman can't be both pretty and smart -- that is just <i>too</i> much to handle!)

We move forward. I don't like it. I hate it. I hate that I have to file a complaint against another woman, and I hate that a woman did this to me and to other women. I hate that someone could be so hateful and hurtful and seriously fuck up my and other's lives so that now, we lack not only a job, but our dignity. It is time to fight and get it back. It is time to say Enough and to do what is right, and while I expect it will be a hard fight and that sadly, we may not even win, I know at the end of the day that what I do is right and that I can look myself in the mirror and be right before myself, my conscience, and my God. I also note that this woman is very active in her church -- that she is all over the Internet for her parish and I wonder how she reconciles her treatment of women with her Christian faith. I too am Christian, I am a firm believer and an active Episcopalian, licensed to serve communion. I remember our Napoleon telling us all and broadcasting that as a child, she had been blessed by the Pope and while that's nice, I wondered what it had to do with anything professional. What she trying to sell us on her goodness? Or perhaps trying to convince herself that she is worthy? Surely, she could be -- surely, somewhere in there is a heart and a soul that has the potential for good, yet it is used for what I can only say falls far, far short from anything good. This treatment of me, and the phone muting that I just now found out about, is one of the most awful things that has ever happened to me professionally. I cannot believe anyone would go after me with such hate and such vengeance and with no good reason, this "blessed by the Pope" person, so holy and so high, how did she fall so low?  What would the Pope say of this now? Would he bless this behavior? Would he say, "My child, you have done the right and Christian thing," or would he like me, advise her strongly to honor Lent, to head fast to the confessional and fall to my knees and speak of the ways in which I have treated people out of insecurity or anger and know that deep in my heart, this is wrong. This is never right. Does she see this, I wonder? Does she see the disparity between this Papal blessing and her phone muting abuse?

I doubt it. She will defend herself, and her minions will come to her aid out of fear, but not out of love. Never out of love, for it is impossible to love a person who has no love for themselves, and who is filled with envy, with hatefulness and mostly, with jealousy and a bitter taste. The whole thing leaves me sad, but frankly, lacking in empathy -- just cold. What ever happened to sisterhood? Or more simply, what happened to just being <i>fair</i> and straight-forward.

Not everyone is a fucking Napoleon as Annie De Franco said, and those that are, do Napoleon a great disservice for they lack his honor, his courage, his smarts, and whether he was kind to all or not, he certainly had the loyalty of his troops like no other general before or after. He may have been defeated in the end, but in many ways, we can learn. Sadly, our little Napoleon learned only out of fear and out of fear, lashes out -- and out and out and out and out and never quite makes the mark. Until she sees herself as she really is, this will never change. Surely there is good there; if only she could see it, the problem, no doubt, would be resolved.

Blinders on, she moves forward, and thinks nothing of it as she takes her weak wreaking ball and smashes the life of another person who did nothing but try to be good.

How sad.