Grief or happiness? Flip a coin, you may as well.

So much of this is chance. Oh sure, you say.

Take the easy way out.

Then there is destiny that is and certainly no Calvinist I.

No predeterminism here – life is what you make it, what you make it.

So why then is it that you can’t always get what you want.

And maybe that’s what is killing me right now.

Maybe if the world did not spin so much on a dime

then there would be less melancholy here.

Perhaps then I would feel more sated, satisfied somehow.

It could make sense perhaps. If I could see some reason:

some and practical real reason for why what is is…

The trouble is I do not. I read that everything is random.

That there is no order, as once thought.

That the wings of a butterfly and so on… that it does not always follow;

~~~ such simplistic view anyway.

I’m all for chance and luck and randomness.

Not because I want to be, but because this is what I see –

We get what we need, as Mick said, and even that, it is

doled out in little parcels, morsels of meat that we move to hungrily.

We are but animals. We would do well to remember it.