Sunday
17Aug2008
the actual activist by craig bayer
Sunday, August 17, 2008 at 06:25AM
Can one be an activist and be himself? To most activists, it’s a probably a silly question. They live and breath activism, it’s their passion in life, they do what they have to do and enjoy doing it. Non-activists probably understand the question better, because they understand how hard and futile it sometimes seems to be an activist.
But I, personally, am stuck in the middle—always have been, perhaps always will be.
I do not want to be too hard line—like, say, Lenin was(he, most agree, was ruthless). But I do not want to be an ass kisser, like many mainstream politicians and do-gooders. I want to be a nice person, without trying to be all things to everybody.
When I was in college, I was a relatively civilized person, reserving my worst venom for my writings; I was peaceful, I was rational, but I was a straight shooter—because that’s what I was born and raised to be and that’s the way I wanted to be, since I was a writer. Writers are supposed to tell the intellectual and emotional truth, never holding anything back. Truth, most writers believe, will set you free. I absorbed this outrageous idea from musicians like John Lennon—who spoke emotional and political truth in all his writings and from authors like JD Salinger and Ernest Hemingway, who casually expressed their anger and debunked societal and national myths. I believed that I could bring the same respect for truth to activism, but it isn’t always that simple.
I learned in college that many people did not want to deal with me precisely because I was a writer and/or activist—they didn’t want to hear the truth about me, themselves or society. They did not want to read my writings, attend the discussion groups I organized or work for and write for my financially and editorially independent student magazine. That got me angry—but not as angry as I would become later in life when it finally dawned on me that some people really needed to be left alone. They did not want to hear what I had to say and that’s that. Peers, colleagues, friends and even many relatives wanted no part of my revolutionary passion, rage, dreams and fantasies.
When I graduated from college, I had many ambitions(writer, professor, lawyer, journalist, to name a few), but one of them was to continue to be an activist. I joined at least two grassroots political organizations and worked on some political campaigns ,as well. What I discovered is that American activism is not my cup of tea—and it enraged me. I learned that the first thing you have to do as an American activist or politician is beg, haggle and cajole people for money and support. This went against the grain of my personality—and my ideology, which was unabashedly Marxist. Marxists, at least in my view, were not supposed to degrade themselves for money.
They could politely and articulately state why they needed money , they could tell you off for not giving the money to them and walk away angry, complaining to the media that you are a crumb. They could take over the government and confiscate your money. But they could never, beg, haggle or cajole.
Two political organizations fired me for having that attitude. I would go door to door for them and educate people on the issues but I would never come back with the fundraising “quota”. I wanted people to give because they agreed with me instantly. I wanted them to give what they were comfortable giving. I did not want to charm them, unless they found my forthrightness charming. I did not want to jerk them for extra cash, even if they could afford it. I just wanted them to understand that sooner or later, they were going have to give me or other leaders political and/or financial support so that problems could be resolved. This did not sit well with political directors. When one fired me for failing to do the job, I composed a letter to all my peers stating that the organization was misguided if not corrupt and distributed it to everybody in sight. When the political director got wind of it, he simply gave me a withering look and said, “Don’t ask me for a reference.” I have to assume he reported me to every political arm of his organization, perhaps even other organizations and maybe even the FBI.
To make a long story short, I got nowhere in the political world and I ended up raging from the sidelines, abusing various political , business and ordinary people in print, harassing radio stations, politicians and other media big shots, until finally one radio station called the cops on me and sparked a downward spiral in my life and career. I lost my job, lost many friends and seriously damaged myself financially and politically. I had a serious breakdown yet continued raging on, in thousands of unprinted editorials sent to both the mainstream and radical media.
So what finally stopped me? It’s a long and complex story, but to keep it brief, I decided very recently to just stop trying to be a mainstream activist and to stop telling other people to not be mainstream activists or worse yet, just plain social parasites. I do things my way, they do things their way and it matters not if we never agree. It also matters not if I’m a success or failure. What matters is that I do things my way. I am a poor and obscure person, but I am not ashamed or even insanely angry about it because I know that my position in life comes with the turf of being a truth teller.
From now on, I plan to simply state my political position—in print or in person-- in as civilized a manner as possible and then ride off into the sunset, hoping somebody out there has listened. It won’t make me much money or get me elected to public office, but at least I’m no longer viciously fighting myself and other people.
Mainstream politicians like Barack Obama and even Bill Clinton do this all the time and it’s the one things admire about them—they never let themselves or encourage others to get out of hand. They express their political views and permit others to disagree with or even ignore them. Cool headedness rules the day and the threat of anger and violence are not used to pressure people into obeying, thereby turning people away.
I remember back in my college days I once went to a lecture by Noam Chomsky on the horrifying political situation between the United States and Central America. What struck me about Chomsky in person (and later, in his writings) was how cool-headed he was about his job. He simply stated the facts without getting emotionally involved and he devastated the opposition with calm reason. In the middle of his lecture—like a wacko at a Nazi rally, I stood up to applaud one of his points. He looked at me like I was a nutcase, he was taken aback. I was showing bad form by letting myself go. He was a scholar, I was a rabble rouser—there was a difference. Its taken me long time to get myself in the emotional position to emulate Chomsky and others like him, but I finally feel that I can do so—because I am permitting myself and others to be what they are.
But I, personally, am stuck in the middle—always have been, perhaps always will be.
I do not want to be too hard line—like, say, Lenin was(he, most agree, was ruthless). But I do not want to be an ass kisser, like many mainstream politicians and do-gooders. I want to be a nice person, without trying to be all things to everybody.
When I was in college, I was a relatively civilized person, reserving my worst venom for my writings; I was peaceful, I was rational, but I was a straight shooter—because that’s what I was born and raised to be and that’s the way I wanted to be, since I was a writer. Writers are supposed to tell the intellectual and emotional truth, never holding anything back. Truth, most writers believe, will set you free. I absorbed this outrageous idea from musicians like John Lennon—who spoke emotional and political truth in all his writings and from authors like JD Salinger and Ernest Hemingway, who casually expressed their anger and debunked societal and national myths. I believed that I could bring the same respect for truth to activism, but it isn’t always that simple.
I learned in college that many people did not want to deal with me precisely because I was a writer and/or activist—they didn’t want to hear the truth about me, themselves or society. They did not want to read my writings, attend the discussion groups I organized or work for and write for my financially and editorially independent student magazine. That got me angry—but not as angry as I would become later in life when it finally dawned on me that some people really needed to be left alone. They did not want to hear what I had to say and that’s that. Peers, colleagues, friends and even many relatives wanted no part of my revolutionary passion, rage, dreams and fantasies.
When I graduated from college, I had many ambitions(writer, professor, lawyer, journalist, to name a few), but one of them was to continue to be an activist. I joined at least two grassroots political organizations and worked on some political campaigns ,as well. What I discovered is that American activism is not my cup of tea—and it enraged me. I learned that the first thing you have to do as an American activist or politician is beg, haggle and cajole people for money and support. This went against the grain of my personality—and my ideology, which was unabashedly Marxist. Marxists, at least in my view, were not supposed to degrade themselves for money.
They could politely and articulately state why they needed money , they could tell you off for not giving the money to them and walk away angry, complaining to the media that you are a crumb. They could take over the government and confiscate your money. But they could never, beg, haggle or cajole.
Two political organizations fired me for having that attitude. I would go door to door for them and educate people on the issues but I would never come back with the fundraising “quota”. I wanted people to give because they agreed with me instantly. I wanted them to give what they were comfortable giving. I did not want to charm them, unless they found my forthrightness charming. I did not want to jerk them for extra cash, even if they could afford it. I just wanted them to understand that sooner or later, they were going have to give me or other leaders political and/or financial support so that problems could be resolved. This did not sit well with political directors. When one fired me for failing to do the job, I composed a letter to all my peers stating that the organization was misguided if not corrupt and distributed it to everybody in sight. When the political director got wind of it, he simply gave me a withering look and said, “Don’t ask me for a reference.” I have to assume he reported me to every political arm of his organization, perhaps even other organizations and maybe even the FBI.
To make a long story short, I got nowhere in the political world and I ended up raging from the sidelines, abusing various political , business and ordinary people in print, harassing radio stations, politicians and other media big shots, until finally one radio station called the cops on me and sparked a downward spiral in my life and career. I lost my job, lost many friends and seriously damaged myself financially and politically. I had a serious breakdown yet continued raging on, in thousands of unprinted editorials sent to both the mainstream and radical media.
So what finally stopped me? It’s a long and complex story, but to keep it brief, I decided very recently to just stop trying to be a mainstream activist and to stop telling other people to not be mainstream activists or worse yet, just plain social parasites. I do things my way, they do things their way and it matters not if we never agree. It also matters not if I’m a success or failure. What matters is that I do things my way. I am a poor and obscure person, but I am not ashamed or even insanely angry about it because I know that my position in life comes with the turf of being a truth teller.
From now on, I plan to simply state my political position—in print or in person-- in as civilized a manner as possible and then ride off into the sunset, hoping somebody out there has listened. It won’t make me much money or get me elected to public office, but at least I’m no longer viciously fighting myself and other people.
Mainstream politicians like Barack Obama and even Bill Clinton do this all the time and it’s the one things admire about them—they never let themselves or encourage others to get out of hand. They express their political views and permit others to disagree with or even ignore them. Cool headedness rules the day and the threat of anger and violence are not used to pressure people into obeying, thereby turning people away.
I remember back in my college days I once went to a lecture by Noam Chomsky on the horrifying political situation between the United States and Central America. What struck me about Chomsky in person (and later, in his writings) was how cool-headed he was about his job. He simply stated the facts without getting emotionally involved and he devastated the opposition with calm reason. In the middle of his lecture—like a wacko at a Nazi rally, I stood up to applaud one of his points. He looked at me like I was a nutcase, he was taken aback. I was showing bad form by letting myself go. He was a scholar, I was a rabble rouser—there was a difference. Its taken me long time to get myself in the emotional position to emulate Chomsky and others like him, but I finally feel that I can do so—because I am permitting myself and others to be what they are.
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