I, Feminist

The dictionary description of a feminist goes along these lines:
"Belonging to movements and ideas which advocate the rights of women
to have equal opportunities to those possessed by men"

I consider myself a feminist. I'm not a radical feminist, a riot
grrrl, or a femi-nazi (thanks Rush Limbaugh). I'm just a plain
feminist. I don't cave into the societal view of standard beauty or
how women "should look". I don't remember the last time I went to a
hair salon for a hair cut and I'm sure I have way too many split ends.
Sometimes I forget to shave my legs. Make-up is not even on my list of
things to do before I leave the house. I don't follow fashion styles
and I could care less about what's new and hip for twenty-somethings
to wear. I don't mingle in bars or sip fancy drinks while talking
about gossip behind friend's backs. I'm against botox and any other
form of cosmetic surgery. I eat what I want when I want and I don't
feel bad about it. I'm not a size zero, because, think about it,
that's not even remotely normal. A size zero? I paint my own toe
nails, not because I care if people see them or not but because it
gives me something to look at when I look down at my feet and let's
face it, it's always chipped anyways.

As a feminist with choices and options, I took advantage of my rights
in Canada and got an abortion in 2006. If I was living in the southern
US (and many other parts now, sadly), I wouldn't have been able to do
this. I most likely would have had to brought my baby up in poor
living conditions, probably on welfare with the baby's father more in
love with smack than his child, having to work and barely seeing my
child. It would have gotten messy and I probably would have ended up a
single mother. In deciding my choice, my main concern was my child and
myself. Some may say that it is selfish to think about yourself when a
child is involved, but it's important in the long run. I want the best
for my child, of course. Who would want to bring a child into a bad
living condition? People do, though. Children are born into families
all the time where the parents barely stand each other, or into
situations where food can't even be put on the table every night. This
is not fair to a child. A baby requires stability, comfort, security
and love. If there isn't any of those things, you have to make a
decision. According to an article by Rachel Jones in the January 2008
issue of the Journal of Family Issues, 61% of American women who "have
abortions are already mothers, more than half of whom have two or more
children. In many cases, women choose abortion because they are
motivated to be good parents. Women who have no children want the
conditions to be right when they do; women who already have children
want to be responsible and take care of their existing children."

But when does it get to be too much?

As I mentioned in an earlier article, I don't support abortion as a
form of birth control. After one, it starts to get complicated. Not
only does it start to raise questions about taking responsibility for
your irresponsibilities, but it starts to get unhealthy, both
psychically and emotionally. Yes, sometimes you find yourself in a bad
situations more than once. I'm not going to be a hypocrite here, but I
will be honest. I'm finding myself in that sticky situation again.
Last week I found out I was at least five weeks pregnant. My first
impulse was to say, "This is my baby and I'm keeping it." After going
through the pain of an abortion, there was no way I was even going to
let myself consider going through it again. For the baby, yes, but
also for myself. After talking it over with a close friend, it
occurred to me that an abortion, though it will be emotionally
devastating and difficult, it could be the best solution. And then I
decided no, this is my baby and I will keep it. This back-and-forth
indecision has changed every day for the last week, due to confusion,
sadness and the horrible hormones that come along with pregnancy, and
various opinions from two very close friends with two very different
views. I know that, ultimately, this is my choice to be made and
people will just have to live with whichever happens. At the moment, I
have an appointment to meet with a doctor to go over the abortion
procedure next week, with an abortion scheduled for the 14th of
February. Valentine's Day. Seriously. I cannot say with one hundred
percent certainty that I will go to that appointment. I feel like a
presidential candidate flip-flopping all over the place on my
decisions on what is right and what is wrong. It's not even about what
is right and wrong, there is no such thing in a situation like this,
whatever the conservative right-wingers tell you. It's about what's
best for you and what's best for the baby. No one is the same. No two
situations are ever alike. And no one can or should, ever, force a
decision like this on any woman. No parent, no partner, no politician,
no friend and no religion.

I wanted to keep this about feminism and feminist philosophies, etc,
but I ended up going off in another direction. On the one hand,
though, one of the main topics women, whether feminist or not, should
be concerned about is the loss of the ability to make these decisions.
There are other topics,of course, that deserve being mentioned and
kept alive: equal opportunities for women, equal rights, the growing
dangers of violence towards women, sexual harassment, voting,
education, childcare that is affordable for every woman, voting and
health care, and so many others. In the future I will tackle these
subjects, but seeing as I find myself in a tough situation, it's only
normal that my article drifted towards this direction.

Happy Valentine's Day and thanks for reading.

references: http://www.guttmacher.org/media/nr/2008/01/07/index.html

http://jfi.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/29/1/79

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/caitlin_moran/article1645946.ece